Down Under Inside Out Heart Full

I wasn’t sure if I should blog about my recent AUS trip. But my friend motivated me to. Besides, I do like writing. I always think of that quote, “One doesn’t learn from experience, but rather, one learns from the reflection of that experience.” I like to write or blog to “take stock” and reflect upon my experiences. And at the time of this post, I am currently doing a Creative Writing Course (with the Open University in the UK) – so in “theme” of the current subject matter, I will “capture” the three weeks in three poems:

Week 1 – (22 to 29 December 2023)
I raise my glass, as we wait to board.
I can’t believe, we are flying together,
My visa, finally came through…
My dad and I, ready to go abroad.

The next level of Singapore airport.
The lush gardens inside one of the terminals.
Why not? Someone thought.
The porter wheeling my dad in his chair.

The moment arrives, hello Canberra
The delight on the Hoff’s faces,
“Uncle Darrel actually made it!”
Activate, holiday pace.

The fun and fantastical experiments of the Questicon,
Water fun, at Stromlo Leisure Centre.
(Niamph, thrilled that I could pronounce her name.)
My dad’s challenge, “I haven’t see any kangaroos yet.” Game on!

They hop with us there,
We toast with an IPA.

The lights of Christmas invite us in
And we walk along the road, in our PJ’s
Summer nights like this, bliss!
Confelicity – as the kids open their gifts…

Christmas day, after church, Seth and I stand by the lake.
The tangible joy of the moment
Thank you Jesus, that I made it here.
Let the days go by ever so slowly…

Sydney, how do I capture you in just a few lines?
The Opera House waves at us, as we go by on the Ferry.
Ducking the waves at Coogee Beach
Ice creams, dripping down our fingers.

8km of walking, taking in all the city sights.
At night, Emily and I look out over the harbour,
The glistening and shimmering lights on the water,
And Sydney Bridge.

Week 2 – (Sat 30th Dec to Sat 6th Jan)

Typical Hofs, adding so much to each day,
Are we just ticking lists?
Or living life to the full (John 10:10)
But the penultimate day of the year, brings a welcome, slow start…

I finished Runt. (The type of book, I wish had written.)
A solo run around Narrabundah Hill.
(I recall feeling so present to the moment.)

That afternoon, we head down to Cottorbend for a swim.
Felt like we were living out a movie about endless summer days…
On our backs in the sand, lying in the sun,
A dip in the river.
Getting my dad, in the water too. (So proud of what he attempts.)
Just a nice moment, in summer, by the river…

The kids poking sticks into the braai.
The sunlight poking through the foliage,
My favourite spot at their house, is the outside area by the pool,
Sipping on a good beer, with my bro. Good times!

The last day of 2023,
Riding around Cotter dam,
My bro and me
Spotting a wild Boar and a black Cockatoo

The Hof Boys whatsapp group meets in person,
We enjoy burgers and a beer at Capital Brewery
This cool, dad and sons moment.

The little pop up, non scripted play moments with
Emily and Seth,
Building something, jumping in the pool,
Reading alongside one another, a walk down to the shops,
A random, game made up…

Breaking all the rules of this written prose,
To past and present
To sitting on the side of Lake Burley Griffin (LBG)
For a full 14 minutes, the fireworks explode and move with grace in the sky,
The oooo’s and aaaa’s, as we revel in the moment.

All is quite on New Years Day. (Thanks Bono)
A 30km cycle loop around the LBG.
Love the city of Canberra.
Time with Valdis and his daughter. (Glad to spend some time with quality
people.)

And that was just week 1…
So many things already…

WE HEAD TO THE COAST (Another Piece)
Lake Conjola teems with life,
Camping slows life down,
Daily dosages of water, sunshine, fresh air and family fun,

The rainbow game in the pool with the kids and the Cullens
Braaing alongside the river (lagoon)
Two runs, just because I can…

Morning surfs with my bro (well, attempted surfing… for me),
But the day I went with a SUP,
I saw dolphins, they said, ‘sup?
We hung out playing catch, as they were only ever 2 metres ahead of me…
God, this is a brilliant world!

The serenity and the sunshine that fills the
lagoon, as I paddle out
Rays and big fish swim underneath me.

Getting my dad to kayak and sit on the SUP
The stroke won’t stop him, from trying these things
Add snorkelling,
He got to do it all.
Helping our dad (felt nice.)

I read alongside the river in the afternoon. Some me time.
It’s so calm.
(I recall feeling so grateful and so present.)
The kangaroos hopping around the campsite
The colourful birds, saying hello.

Lake Conjola could be spelt P A R A D I S E.

Week 3 – (Our Last Week)

“More Love” is the message in church that
morning, I hear a theme word emerge for the year: RESTORE
A curry for supper
That third week’s pace
Had slowed
down

“Hey Robot”
“What do you put meat on, on a BBQ?”
(Please say grill.)
Fun little moments, like this with the family.
I captured in a jar
To take with me.
Wonderful memories.

One night, my bro and I are watching, The Chosen,
The kids join us, The “holy moment” of it prompted Ems
to bring out her devotional book: How Great is Our God.
Yes He is.

Joining in their usual routine.
Seth at swimming
Emily at Gymnastics…
Oh, my, that smell was pungent!
Sweat and feet…

That particular evening, us three, pull in the perfect spot~
to capture the setting sun.
As it falls behind the hill,
The perfect sundowner time.
Lord, stain these beautiful moments on my soul.

The track run with Kangaroos at Stromlo,
Milkshakes in the trendy part of town,
Braddon
The street art, the shapes, the world
Would be
boring
without Creativity.

Show and tell with the kids.
“Love how well they are doing at school.”
The penultimate day found us racing down a tubular track..
Tobogganing was epic!

Followed by a walk in the reserve, Tidbinbilla,
I saw a snake.
Oh, the life in those nature reserves.
The colourful birds of Australia, are still one of my favourite things…
Oh and all that blue sky…

(I am reminded of the early morning starts, waking up in Emily’s room.)
“Thanks Emily for letting uncle Darrel use your room during my visit.”
I liked seeing the morning colours through my window, the sunrise,
The joy of the day, the song of the birds.
All greeting me, good morning.

On the way back from the reserve and seeing the Koala bears,
My bro pulls into the NASA space station.
Oh my goodness, those satellite dishes were so massive!
Seeing them at a distance was impressive.
But being right
Under
Them,
Mind blown!

Misheard lyrics,
“I was caught
In the middle of a railroad track (thunder)”
We all sang in the car, at the top of our lungs!
Another moment,
I put into my jar…
Precious.

Lastly, we did Orienteering at the Arboretum,
I recall, the sadness pending,
Knowing I would need to say goodbye,
The next day.

The trip down under, was full.
New memories,
So grateful for all that special time.
Next time, I visit, I am totally booking that VISA
three
months
In advance…

may you…

i hope this is the year where all the things you’ve been waiting for happen.  i hope you soak up the lessons that life throws at you and you stop placing an expiration date on your life. may you run wild on this path that life has taken you on.  i hope this year you […]

may you…

A friend wrote this blog. It’s a goodie! What a great piece and proclamation to start off 2024 with.

A bracket of Aussie books…

I’m always one looking for patterns. Or should I rather say – I often notice them when they occur. Last year, when I visited AUS for the first time on a trip to Manly Beach in Sydney, I noticed a woman reading the book called Lessons. I ordered it, and I started reading it at the start of 2023. My first book of the year…

Then, the book Runt (is the gift I got for my niece, Emily, last year), and she suggested I read that one on my visit here in AUS this year. It’s such a delightful book that I devoured three in just three days. (Definitely the type of book I’d like to have written. All the right feelings in there.)

Both books are connected to AUS for me. And so my reading journey of 2023 has been bracketed by two books “from Australia.”

Thanks for reading my random observation.

Almost 48 hours without a phone…

Besides messing up my Wordle and Duolingo streaks, it hasn’t been too bad.
Being disconnected for these few hours…

Work wise, my colleagues had to walk up to me to pass on any relevant information.
(Old school!)

(Thankfully for email), I could explain to my family about my water damaged phone.
It’s crazy how we are so use to our phones.
From banking apps, to messaging apps to sporting apps.

Grateful that I have a laptop and was able to “still be in the know” in a sense.
But weird how one screen can easily be substituted for another…

I had to set my alarm with an old school alarm clock.
And when I woke up in the middle evening, there was no mobile phone to glance at.

There was a freedom from the “hold” it can have on me.

I had to physically print tickets for Banksy this weekend as I may not have a phone.
And how will I get to my friend’s place this evening?
(Glad my car has a built in navigation system.)

I was supposed to meet up with someone in London, but now I have to access to their number.
So not sure how I will contact them. (Unless my phone is fixed by the end of the day.)

We need our phones.
We like our phones.
But we also need a “healthy relationship” to them.
We own our phones…
Our mobile devices shouldn’t own us…

Of Books

Isn’t it interesting how we attain our next book to read. It could be:

1. By recommendation

Someone suggests that we read a certain book or explore the writing style of a certain author.

2. By following a favourite author

I know there are certain authors that I absolutely love and just read all books released by them. RACHEL JOYCE being one. Also, Richard Osman.

3. By judging a book by its cover

Is it just me, or has anyone else also grabbed by an interesting title or book cover?

My thinking with that is that if someone is proud of their book, their story – they would make a good cover!!

4.  Maybe by grabbing it from a charity store

Sometimes, there are great stories and worlds waiting on the shelves of charity stores…

Take a Book. Share a Book.

Or how about those awesome “Honesty phonebooth libraries” or now, people (in the States and Australia) are constructing nice libraries on street corners. Check some out here on the link above.

5.  Or somehow, the source is unknown, but there it lays, or rather: stood on my bookshelf. 

Waiting patiently to be explored…

In this photo above, the book, The God of Small Things, has been waiting there for ages. Don’t know how it ended up there – but I started it this week… I’m glad I did. I love the writing style!

The GK Chesterston book at the bottom of the pile has been with me for over 10 years. Still haven’t ventured in… hopefully this winter…

Vacuum

Some days the vacuum of space around me is so notable.
I know it’s just some days.
And these feelings will pass…
But I don’t want to suppress them…

The loneliness fills this vacuum
Pressing in on me.
A tangible feeling.
With me uttering prayers, why God why?

It’s been five years since my divorce…
And I am still alone
It’s so difficult to meet people…

And I begin to doubt the goodness of God in my life
(I know that’s not true, it’s just a fleeting moment)
But still, I served him for over 20 years in the church…
(I still do) just not in ministry…

But He still doesn’t bless me with love?
I know He isn’t a vending machine, and I won’t ever treat Him like that…
But a helping hand would be good…

People younger than me are getting engaged, are getting married
When oh when will it be my turn, even just to date some one?

This vacuum is filled tangible loneliness.
It hurts.
I don’t mind being alone.
I read this book in silence. How nice, would it be to know that she could be reading next to me.

Love, oh love, when will it be…

—
I know some people read these blogs and will be concerned for me.
(I appreciate that. thank you.)
I will be okay.
I blog to share because, I have no one near to share.
Again, I revert to the vacuum.

Wish, I had local mates, who would ring me up
“Quick pint after work?”
Or want to go for a walk?
How that would be nice…

Maybe it just takes time to settle in a community…
But dear God, it still hurts.
The loneliness filling this vacuum.

God I know you fill the heart void,
But right now, it’s not enough…

Two sides of a coin

“It didn’t come home.”

Gutted that the England women’s team didn’t win the final today. There was such a belief in the nation over the last few days. I heard how some church service times were changed so people could watch the game. The church I visited today showed the second half. The presenters on the radio, the pundits were all certain that England were gonna win today. How it would have been so good for the nation. But they lost… a headline after the game said, “they are heartbroken.”

However, on the other side of the coin, I bet the headlines in the Spanish tabloids are ” their hearts are elated.” They did it! They won, they did our country proud. (Of course, all in Spanish.) Maybe there were even Spanish churches and communities that were watching the game, hopeful. Their pundits, their radio hosts.

There will always be winners and losers. Losing sucks. (As obvious as those statements are.)

And the huge world, we live in, there were many English and many Spanish today, who didn’t watch the game. Whi couldn’t care less. Who don’t enjoy football.

Oh, how diverse and large this world is…

“Not really alone” I use to believe that…

Last weekend on Saturday, I needed to stretch my legs and I also had a B&W photo idea that was mulling over in my head. So I headed to Twyford. I was going to take pictures there and walk to Wargrave.
As I walked and took some photos, I felt quite alone.
Doing an afternoon walk on my own. Maybe the gloomy still weather added to that feeling.
I have often been on my own most of my life.
All these scenes flashed by.
Housesitting in Nahoon, on my own.
Housesitting in Hillcrest.
I can remember those moments so clearly.
Solo moments in Somerset West.

Being alone and being lonely are two different things but sometimes they merge.

I remember, my faith and relationship with God, when I was younger – was different.
I felt alone. But I felt God watching over me. Like He had a plan for my life. That she (the one) was out there. And our live paths would cross one day…
I trusted that. I never felt too alone, because God looked over me.

A biblical truth. A life truth.
But as I have got older, my faith in that sentiment wanes.
Yes, I am sure He looks over my life.
But how I wish, I had that “young faith” that really trusted Him?

Where is She? The one with whom I am to share my life…

God, can You still be trusted?

For an extrovert, you often place me in very introverted situations…

Why?

A nostalgic and moving moment with my aunt.

Last night, my aunt stayed for the night. (She is visiting from South Africa.)
After dinner, she pulled up some old letters written back in 1994 – 1996.

Almost thirty years old – those words on those sheets of paper.

We had some good laughs at some of the things I wrote about. Some awkward things too.

But also, I was moved by the whole moment last night.

Firstly, the fact that letter writing is what we did.
No emails, no texts.
Just an old school letter…

There was also a line in what I wrote that gave me a clue to how I have always seen the world around me –with a view of wonder.

We also read a letter that my mom wrote my aunt. (My aunt has pre-read it first.)
It was a sad letter.
A few years after my folks’ divorce.

But what I got was – my mom’s trust in God. All those years ago.
Her simple and profound faith have always inspired me.
What a great example to me!

We also read a reply from my aunt to me that she wrote many years ago. I had to smile at her “looking out for me.” She has always been that to me over the years.

I was 16 when I wrote those letters.
How life has been an interesting journey since then….

The “Jesus whisper” comment

On a video cool this morning, my brother ribbed me about using a “christianese” in my status yesterday about cycling 97km and hearing “Jesus whisper.”
He said it was just my competitive nature…
He asked did “I really hear His whisper.” all valid questions…

That got me thinking…
(And he knows I am going to blog about it. that’s what I do.)

Can and does Jesus whisper to us, today?
My answer: YES!

There are a few ways we can respond to this “Jesus whisper” comment:

1. THE CYNIC
There is no ways that Jesus speaks today.
How boring is that? There is no point in having a faith in God, then…

2. ASHAMED
Do I sound cheesy or embarrassing in saying that I heard “Jesus whisper” to me?
Is it off putting? Perhaps, to some it is. And that’s on them.
But isn’t that the whole point in a relationship with Jesus.
Over the years we get to know Him better.
As the great illustration in John 10 about the sheep knowing the Shepherd’s voice.
I am not ashamed to say I am learning and have learnt His voice over the years.
So I follow those prompts…
Sometimes I get it wrong. Mostly, it turns out well.
If I can’t grow or mature in my faith, then what’s the point?

3. OVER SPIRITUALISING IT
A common error is for people to think that God speaks to the elite few.
The “super holy” or the “very spiritual.”
But that’s incorrect!
He desires a relationship with you and I. Us ordinary folk.
We tend to make things of God “over spiritual.”
as if the waters need to part, or the clouds to form patterns, or there has to be mood music (that pretty worship music) or there has to be a deep moment of prayer for God to rock up…
But why can’t He rock up whilst I am riding my bicycle?
Why can’t He speak using my competitive nature, my sense of adventure…
After all, those characteristics are from Him anyway… right?
He speaks.
It’s as simple as that peace one feels within.
Don’t over question it. Just go for it.

4. THE PLAYFUL JESUS
I read a book recently by John Eldredge called The Beautiful Outlaw.
(It’s an old book but still I love it’s message.)
Firstly, the idea of Jesus being playful… what a great thought! I know a lot of people would struggle with that… (Hmm, *shrugs shoulders*)
Jesus calls us to be wild at heart.
Jesus is here in the everyday things.

He mentions in the book, how we don’t just simply say to Jesus “I love You.”
Strange, how we find that odd to say.
After He made us and our world we live in and He died for us.
He pursues us… etc…

—
Anyway, the idea of writing “Jesus whispered” to me…
Is to “claim it back.”
Being a Christian doesn’t need to be over spiritual thing.
Yes, I get to hear from God. Have a peace within.
Yes, He can egg me on…
Saying phrases like that we don’t need to be embarrassed about.
We should be allowed to say:

“I was going to a meeting that I was nervous about and I prayed about it, and I felt Jesus give a peace within.”

or

“I was battling with a student / colleague / family member (you choose) and I prayed for wisdom on how to deal with them and God gave me the words to say.”

or

I was being an idiot and I felt God convict me on the spot: “Stop being a brat, Darrel. Grow up.”